A bitter critique of two subpar Netflix horror flicks

“Terrifier” and “Stitches” are entertaining enough to merit watching, but don’t count on any sequels coming soon


TyYonna Kitchen, Staff Reporter

Everyone knows that Netflix makes questionable choices when it comes to horror movies. “Terrifier” (2018) and “Stitches” (2013) are no exceptions. Both are killer clown movies, with little to no character development and too much blood and unexplained supernatural whatever that made me wonder what I am really doing with my life. Both movies managed to end with the clowns surviving or being re-reanimated. However, I doubt that these films will be leading to any sequels anytime soon.

To be fair “Stitches” does ask those real-life questions on everyone’s mind, like “is it fair to murder teenagers if they killed you first,” and “can we get through a teen ‘Scream’ without unnecessary bullying and sexual harassment?” The movie follows Stitches the clown as he hunts down the kids (now teenagers) who used a soccer ball and an ill-placed dishwasher to kill him.

The bullying and sexual harassment were obviously separate ploys that were supposed to paint the characters as villains and heroes, but after those kids literally murdered someone I had very little sympathy for them. Everyone on screen was just as bad as Stitches, but at least the clown was funny. There is an expositional clown cult and weird teenage romance, one of which felt badly timed and creepy.

The police were never called, and neither clown nor teens faced consequences for a single death.

Overall, the movie is funny for some, scary for none. A night with Stitches the clown is recommended for anyone who wants a cheap laugh and has a strong-ish stomach.

“Terrifier” takes itself far more seriously and makes even less sense. The last time I was this scared I had lost my highly caffeinated tea at 10 a.m. Spooky, right? No, not really.

The plot is about as intense as an okay game of “hide and go seek” and (spoiler alert) the main character dies forty minutes in, even though there are forty minutes left in the game… I mean movie.

I saw it like this: the movie can kill off any character that they want, the problem is that Art the clown was getting beaten down by the main character. She was winning right before Art took out a gun and shot her. Then just like that, the villain is this unbeatable entity, defeating the point of fighting him. Art kills off some other side character and the chase became repetitive. To be honest, I wanted to fight the movie itself but feared that it would just shoot me, so I watched on.

Two unsurprising plot twists and 40 minutes later, the horror torture was over, and I could finally watch some quality entertainment.

“Terrifier” is a total 10/10 with all the combined elements of “Saw”, “It” and beating yourself in the head with a hammer for a grade.

I loved it. Every second.