Where a chimposium once stood proudly on the corner of Wildcat Way and 14th Street, a new habitat for endangered pandas will be taking its place come 2023 according to a release from CWU Public Relations.

The Department of Biology will be housing two newly-adopted Giant Pandas from China to roam in the newly-constructed habitat, now featuring vegan orange chicken as part of their stringent meal plan. 

“Pandas are like more graceful, well-fed versions of raccoons,” Professor of Biology Dr. Cara Bear said. “They’re the only creatures that can wear two black eyes with pride.”

According to Worldwildlife.org, the Giant Panda species has grown increasingly more at risk with only 1,800 left on the entire planet. 

“We have been looking for an opportunity to bring wildlife back to our community after the loss of our beloved chimpanzees due to Tang poisoning,” Dr. Bear said. “This is one way for us to feel like things aren’t so black and white anymore after the panda-emic.”

While many students believed the habitat to look very similar to popular fast food chain Panda Express, Dr. Bear assured the student body that this is merely a mirage and the space is actually designed to serve Giant Pandas in captivity from the hours of 11 a.m. – 8 p.m. Monday through Friday.

During the off hours, the Giant Pandas will be given the honorable duty of cleaning the bathrooms, filming toilet paper commercials to cash in like the Charmin bears and restocking the fortune cookies with tidbits of wisdom. 

“This is one way for them to earn their keep,” Dr. Bear said. “Adopting a Giant Panda is neither cheap nor easy, and given the staff shortages on campus, we figured this was a way to be economical as well as ecological.”

The Giant Pandas will be available to visit wearing name tags come January 2023, when CWU will finally “wok the wok” by supporting the environment and its inhabitants.