Welcome to WiseCrax, a weekly column by Libby Williams. It will hopefully serve as a safety corner in the newspaper for right after you’ve read your department got defunded or that parking passes will cost an additional $70 next quarter. This is where you can turn to potentially exhale sharply out your nose, put the paper down and go about your day. Despite the title, however, no valid wisdom will be offered here. In fact, the only advice you should ever take seriously from WiseCrax is don’t take the advice from WiseCrax seriously, starting: now.

With vaccines starting to become more readily available, it’s starting to feel like there’s an end to the madness in sight. Certain events are starting to be held live, and many of us are reuniting with loved ones we haven’t seen in over a year… But at what cost?

If you suffer from severe awkwardness, this year of isolation certainly didn’t make you any more sociable. Even if you used to be a social butterfly, the mere thought of the conversations you’ll be forced to have may be sending you into turmoil. 

You may be wondering, “Libby, how do I navigate rekindling these relationships after only seeing them in a video chat?” Lucky for you, I’ve prepared a range of options.

• Denial

Any licensed therapist will tell you, the best way to fix something is to pretend it didn’t happen at all. We’re already dreading how often we’re going to have to hear, “it’s so good to finally see you in person!” It’s enough to drive a person crazy. 

So, make them think they’re crazy instead. Hit them with a deadpan “what do you mean?” As far as you’re concerned, you saw them just last weekend. 

If you’re feeling creative, get weird with it. “You’re right, it is so strange to see you in the flesh. Recently I’ve just been dreaming about you.” People love to be dreamed about!

Bottom line? None of this ever happened. Shove it down deep inside you, it’s the healthy thing to do. You can deal with it when you’re 50. 

• Parent Trap

Twins, this one’s for you. Congratulations, you are now one person. Gone are Larry and Terry, you are now one man: Jerry. 

It’s been said it takes 40 days to make a habit, and by now staying home is certainly the habit, so share the load and relish in isolation on your days off. Avoid all human interaction and work from bed like you’ve been doing all year, no shame in admitting you enjoy this way of life better.

If you’re a fraternal twin, don’t fret. You’d be shocked at what a wig and some good makeup can do to a person. 

No twin? No problem. Clone yourself. The science department is getting that new building. I’m sure they can figure it out for us. We’ll send in some Yale students to help with the bigger numbers.

1. Relocate

Moving is almost as big a pain as small talk with your life long best friend who you haven’t interacted with since your “weekly” Netflix parties ended last April, two weeks after they started. 

To put it gently, you’ve got two birds here and a really big stone. Pack up your things, move to a different state and start fresh. You’ll still have to make small talk with people, but at least they know nothing about pre-quarantine you and how much you’ve regressed socially.

Change your name and style while you’re at it. Were you really that close with your family and friends, anyway?