I am non-binary.

My coming out wasn’t something I prepared for, honestly. It wasn’t some profound and dramatic scene. I’m not even sure if you could consider it a “coming out.”

All my life I never really paid any attention to gender, much less my own. I never understood why there were things like “boy toys” and “girl toys” or “girl clothes” and “boy clothes.”

I remember being upset when I was younger because I wasn’t allowed to join Boy Scouts. The only reason why was because I wasn’t born a boy.

It wasn’t until my freshman year of high school that I realized people were expecting me to conform to the role of a “typical” girl. Not wanting to cause trouble, I played along and I even enjoyed it!

It felt almost like I was playing pretend. But, secretly deep down, I still wondered behind closed doors who I really was..

When I got to college this last fall, I realized that I didn’t have to please anybody and that I am independent.

I always wanted short hair and a flat chest and never really cared for my hips. So, I cut my hair in October, donated my dresses and bought a binder.

My mother found out one day and called me immediately. On the phone I said, “Yeah, I cut my hair and got rid of all my girly clothes. I was gonna tell you sooner but got distracted with school.”

My mom asked me if I wanted to be a boy. I told her no. I don’t feel like a boy or a girl, but instead somewhere in between.

I wear makeup still but like to flatten my chest and wear more masculine clothes. At first, my mother didn’t understand and immediately tried to play it off as a rebellious phase because I was in college. It wasn’t until I started taking testosterone that  my mother warmed up to the idea that this is who her child is.

She’s getting better and better everyday with addressing me as my new name and pronouns and I’m thankful that it didn’t go negatively.